Update to This Mess

Oh boy. Haven't posted anything here for over 6 years now. On a whim, I decided to go back through this, and do some pruning and updating.

The Pruning
I got rid of my job search story and some other work-related stuff. It reminded me of a time that wasn't a whole lot of fun. The job I ended up at turned into a soul-crushing, life-sucking shitshow, and it really wasn't worth the hassle I went through to get it. I stayed there for several years, and ended up on anti-depressants for a while because of it. Things are better now.

I got rid of the review and analysis of Love Not Found. I lost my patience for that comic, its toxic fans, and its entitled author several years ago. I have no desire to go back to it in order to fix broken links, or to continue the analysis. I also ditched the Red String review for similar reasons, and because the site for it never got fixed.

The Twitter widget is gone, as it no longer worked (I'll bet it was the API pricing changes). I also deleted my account some time ago, because that site is getting more abusive by the day. Seeing people you follow getting harassed by moronic bigots, AI grifters, and porn bots isn't any fun.

The Updating
I updated and re-posted the article Excuses for Bad Games I'm Sick of Hearing. Even now, some of those excuses are still being used to defend some truly awful games and game mechanics. I have no idea how people legitimately enjoy things like Gollum, Rise of Kong, and EA Games mobile shovelware. Delusion, perhaps?

I fixed some pages, typos, and some other minor things.

I'm not sure if I'll do any updating to this blog past this point or not. I guess if something interests me, maybe. But, for now, it'll probably be in hibernation.

Excuses for Bad Games I'm Sick of Hearing (Updated)

 Updated January 2, 2024. Because over 6+ years, some new things have surfaced, while others have remained unchanged but in need of an update.

Some people play shitty games for laughs; others play them to review them or to see what makes the games so awful. Or, maybe a particular game has enough charm that it becomes a guilty pleasure.

Then there are people who defend awful games with the same excuses over and over again. Maybe you've heard some of these excuses recently or in the past, too! Have a look.

The game got 10/10 from a big name reviewer/site! That means it's good, and anyone who dislikes it is an idiot!
No. Stop. Just because some famous reviewer gave 10/10 to a game doesn't mean absolutely everyone has to like it. Maybe the people who didn't like it were put off by certain mechanics, or didn't enjoy that specific type of game. Or, maybe the game is a glitchy, barely finished mess of microtransactions, and the reviewer only heaped praise on it because they had to in order to keep their job.

What? Did you think that wouldn't happen? Reviews can and have involved money. Development companies will pay for ad space on review sites to hype up their games. They might even provide perks, like merchandise, press copies, fancy hotel stays, or invites to special events. If they gave all that to a reviewer/review site and ended up with a "not great" review, they'd most likely pull the ad money, and refuse to give out those fancy perks again.

And yes, this has happened. Some companies decided James Stephanie Sterling wasn't a "safe" reviewer, and no longer send her press/review copies of their games. Jeff Gerstmann was fired from GameSpot after giving Kane & Lynch a negative review. But, apparently, they didn't fire him for that, even as a certain company was threatening to pull its ad money.

You know, it was all probably coincidence, anyway. Now, let's go buy the next glitchy, half-finished pile of microtransactions that gets 10/10 after a three day review embargo.

It gets better later on, once you're several hours in.

Oh, of course! Why have the game be good at the start? Going through hours of mind-numbing bullshit to get to the "fun" parts is obviously the best way to make a game. It's not like you're trying to convince yourself that $60 was well spent, because you eventually got some fun out of the game, right?

Years ago, when Final Fantasy XIII released, I got it as a free rental and I hated it. That was one of few games I'd stopped playing due to sheer annoyance. When I voiced my displeasure about FFXIII, I was told "it gets better later" and that I just needed to "give it a chance." I was assured that once I hit the thirty hour mark, the game would be so much more fun.

Yes, thirty hours. I was annoyed and bored after two! Why go through boredom or glitchy shit to get to the "good" parts, when you can play other games that are fun right off the bat? I don't know; I guess I'm not a "real gamer."

Well, the game has technobabble jargon graphics features! 200 FPS! Realistic models! That makes it amazing by default!
People have been using the "good graphics = good game" defense since the mid 80's. We're in 2024 now, and people still try to defend absolute shit games with "THE GRAFFIX!" The game can run like shit, play like shit, and sound like shit. But, if the graphics are fancy, realistic, hi-def beauty, then the game gets a pass.

I don't get it. I never have, and I never will. And I don't think these people get that with fancier graphics come fancier price tags and system requirements.

Sure, the base game sucks. But, you can add mods/buy things to make it better!

I have two questions for you: will changing the color, shape, or consistency of a turd make it taste like a four star entree? Will buying whipped cream, sprinkles, and cherries from the person who made the turd make it taste like a gourmet dessert?

No, it won't, because the turd is still a turd. Installing mods should be optional and done to enhance a game, not fix it. If I have to install mods just so I can start playing the base game or get even slight enjoyment out of it, the developers have done something very wrong.

Purchasing DLC should give you an expanded game, not a bunch of nickel-and-dime bullshit. I keep seeing the same thing: individual maps ($2 - $4 each), characters ($3 - $5 each), reskins ($2 each), and quests/missions ($2 - $4 each). Getting all this DLC costs more than the base game, and adds little to nothing of value. Sometimes, it might even add more bugs and stupidity.

Gee, what an improvement! Sure showed me.

Yeah, the game's too grindy and takes forever. But, you can still get the cool stuff if you turn on autoplay and go do something else!
So, you don't even want to play the game because of how bad it is; yet, you're still trying to convince yourself and others that there's fun to be had.

Why? Seriously, why? If it were an idling/clicker game that you're supposed to leave alone or play in short bursts, I'd understand. But, when the game requires button presses, choices, and other shit from you, why in the hell is there an autoplay function?

It's like the developers knew they'd made a game that doesn't respect your time in the slightest, and tried to cover it up with a shitty mechanic. The game is actively telling you to go do something more fun! Instead of trying to defend it, uninstall it and do something that's actually fun!


Anyway, that's that. Maybe some of this shite will go away in 2024.

Graveyard Keeper Review

System: PC, Mac, Linux (Steam OS), XBox One
Players: 1
Rating: T or M, use your judgement (very dark humor involving cannibalism and death, alcohol use, drug references, minor violence)
DLC: Soundtrack and artbook
Website: Graveyard Keeper Official Site

NOTE: Since release day (Aug. 15, 2018), the developer has put out several patches that have adjusted game balance and fixed bugs.This review is being written with those in mind.

I saw a link to this game's website posted a few months ago, and found the game descriptions amusing. The teaser videos and trailer further piqued my interest. I picked up the game on release day, and I've been having a blast with it!

Graveyard Keeper puts you in charge of a dilapidated graveyard in a medieval village. In order to fix it up, you'll need to gather resources, help out villagers, and advance through several tech trees to gain access to more valuable items and resources. Eventually, you'll also be able to fish, farm, mine, fight, and pray your way to more money and items.

The game's pixel graphics are beautiful. Plants sway in the breeze, your character leaves footprints in soft dirt and mud, and thick fog can roll in to make things creepy. The music and sound are great, too. Important villagers each have their own unique idle animations and voice grunts for dialogue. The music never feels out of place, and it doesn't grate on your ears, either.

The humor in Graveyard Keeper is definitely not for everyone. For example, the villagers don't believe in slaughtering livestock, so meat is a rare delicacy. And there was also an "incident" involving "inappropriate" meat a while back, so now people can't sell meat unless it has a royal stamp of approval. Well, you just happen to know where to get some tasty-looking meat, and the tavern owner just happens to know how you can get your own royal stamp.

It's up to you if you want to get that stamp legitimately, or illegally!

As for the gameplay, it's a bit of a mixed bag. The game can be relaxing and fun, and doesn't hold your hand for everything. The usual researching, exploring, and resource gathering are great, and the game allows you to do things at your own pace. Unlocking recipes and progressing through the game's tech trees is very satisfying, too. However, there are times when the game gets frustrating because it doesn't explain things enough, or punishes you for doing something it told you to do.

The tech trees, while fun and not overly complicated, can still get confusing, especially when tied to villager requests. For example, unlocking Stoneworking (a very early tech) gives you the recipe for Stone Repair Kits. These kits require clay, but the game gives you no indication of how to get clay. Nothing in the tech tree hints at it, and villagers won't tell you anything. Examining clay mining spots simply tells you you're missing a tech. Only after you've completed a certain task for the church bishop do you get the ability to collect clay.

Some techs and items are dependent on each other, but you can't always tell what is and what isn't. I learned this the hard way. I decided to buy a tech that would allow me to make flyers for a villager who requested them. Unfortunately, I didn't have the resources to craft the flyers, or the crating stations to make those resources. And, due to a (now patched) bug, I couldn't buy the resources because an important villager never showed up to trigger a related quest. So, I started over and played a lot more carefully.

Another gripe I have is with collecting certain resources. While most go into your inventory when you collect them, there are some "large" items (e.g. logs, stone slabs) you'll need to haul to an appropriate stockpile before you can use them. But, you can only hold one at a time, and don't have access to a cart, wagon, or any sort of inventory or strength upgrade. Your stockpiles have limited space, as well, so you're going to have to haul large items on a regular basis. You can pile up a bunch of these items on the ground and push them around; but, if the items aren't lined up properly, they'll jiggle around and get knocked away, meaning you have to go back and push them forward again.

Graveyard Keeper certainly isn't a bad game, but it could use some adjustments. Despite some of its issues, I've been having a lot of fun with it and find $20 to be a reasonable price.

How to Stop the BS - Exploitative Gaming

EA Games recently released Star Wars Battlefront II. During development and beta testing, they decided to lock popular, well-known characters. Everyone could unlock the characters by paying real money, or just by playing. No big deal, right?

Well, SWBFII is NOT a free to play game. It's a full price ($60 - $80, depending on where you are) AAA title that wanted you to spend more money. The catch: you spent real money on crystals that were used to buy loot crates. Said crates had a chance of containing credits used for unlocks. In most cases, you'd probably end up with a bunch of duplicate items you could convert into a handful of credits.

In addition to that, players did some number crunching and found more bullshit: it'd take up to 40 hours of playtime to earn enough credits to unlock just one character. When the backlash began, EA tried to do some damage control:

Over 600 000 downvotes! Congrats on setting another record with your greed, EA!
Reddit post

Of course, it didn't work. So, the developers lowered the prices of characters by 75%, and changed how loot boxes worked. They even disabled in-game purchases for now, but they'll be back another day.

Despite EA Games being an impressively bad company, they're not the only ones doing this shit. Blizzard, Capcom, NIS, Infinity Ward, and other companies have released "complete" games at $40 - $80, then tacked on another $20 - $200 worth of "additional content." Sometimes, that content is locked on the software you bought.

Are you tired of this bullshit? Well, then it's time to do something about it.


When awful shit is done, complain appropriately

Don't like how a company's handling a game? Then let them know about it. But, do it properly. Don't lie or start rumors. Don't resort to personal attacks, death threats, hacking, doxxing, or theft. You're trying to call the company out on their garbage, not make yourself look like an asshole.

Got that? Alright. Here's what you can do:

- Avoid official forums. They're home to shills and apologists who will accuse you of being an entitled, overly-critical baby. They'll justify any cash grab, lie, or excuse the company throws at them. Also, the people in charge of the forums aren't always involved in a game's development. At best, they might offer to pass your complaint to the appropriate department; at worst, they'll censor your posts or ban you for "trolling."

- Go for social media and blogs. Companies have to pay more attention to these things, since they can't just censor and ban you like they can on their own forums. Social media posts and blog articles can spread very quickly, too. If the information spreads far enough, a company will have to do some explaining or backtracking if they want to keep making money.

- Even if you don't plan to buy a company's games, spread the word if they're being fuckheads. If they're going to put this shit in their games to make money, the companies you buy from will try it, too!

This does work. After the SWBFII fiasco, the developers had to make changes to the game to avoid losing too many sales. On top of that, Belgium and Hawaii have decided loot crate systems are predatory and a form of gambling. Not sure how they'll rule on these in free to play games, or crates you're awarded through gameplay, but they took notice!

Nice, huh? Now, on to the next step...


Stop supporting exploitative content

I'm super guilty of dropping money on "cheap" DLC in the past. I'd buy a game, and then see all those extra goodies. And I'd buy the ones I liked because it'd only be $0.25 - $5 for things! Not much, right? I mean, it beats having to buy an expansion pack for $30, doesn't it?

No, it really doesn't. Expansion packs take a while to develop, add a ton of new things to a game, and may even change how it functions. When you've spent $60 or more on DLC in the form of character recolors, shiny guns and hats, or mystery boxes that shit out an item you already have 10 of, a $30 expansion pack isn't so bad!

If that doesn't irritate you, here's something that should: the season pass. This is the developer's way of saying "we don't have DLC yet, but you can pre-order it and have it as soon as we release some!"

If you pay $100 - $110 now, you'll get all the DLC later, even the stuff you don't want! What a deal!
 CoD: WWII Steam page (Autumn Sale, 2017)

And then you get the companies that combine expansion packs and DLC. Take a look at Sims 3. If you want to own EVERYTHING the game has to offer, you will need over $74 000! Good luck!

"But, Azul! You don't have to buy that stuff if you don't want to!" I guess. But, some multiplayer games split people up based on DLC owned, meaning I won't be able to play with my friends who do have the DLC. That's bullshit. And some DLC characters and items break the base game or are almost required to get through new stages and game modes. That's also bullshit.

"But, the devs need to make money somehow!" Really? Let's say their game cost $140 million to make. That's everything that went into developing, promoting, licensing, and publishing the game. Said game costs $60, is super hype and sells 4 million copies in a few days. So, $240 million in sales. They made money without DLC.

Free to play games are a little different, as the devs DO need to make money somehow. I'm fine with sales of emotes, cosmetic changes, and merchandise. You know what I'm not fine with? The "pay now to keep playing" and "pay to win" mechanics.

"Well, it's no different from those old arcade machines." It is, actually. If you were good, you could get through a full arcade game on a single credit. The machines also gave you a unique experience that you couldn't get at home at the time (badass guns, force feedback steering wheels), and didn't spam you with ads or money begging. Not a single arcade machine locked stages with "pay $2 or wait 24 hours" horsecrap, either.

So, how do you stop supporting this shit? Well, don't buy it. Don't drop money on mystery boxes/loot crates, especially if you can get them for free. When a "pay now or wait" or "pay to win" wall comes up, close the game, then delete it.

With DLC, avoid season passses. You have no guarantee that the DLC will be worth the price. If there's some DLC you like, wait for sales and packs/bundles. Individual items tend to be hyped up when they're released so you'll buy them at full price.

If you still feel like you've been screwed too many times, then it's time for drastic measures...


Stop buying from shitty companies

You've seen it, and maybe even experienced it: a company repeatedly fucks their player base through lies, excuses, and greed. Everyone screams and complains, and the company might correct things. It all blows over...then players rush out to buy the next game and rage when it turns out to be another steaming turd.

What everyone should be doing is not buying from these companies. Look at EA! After Ultima IX, The Sims 3, Dungeon Keeper Mobile, Mass Effect 3, and SimCity, you'd think people would've had enough. But, nope! They'll buy into the hype of a new game and throw more money at EA. And then they're surprised when EA screws them over again!

"The game is coded in such a way that it must be played online. Offline play would require significant engineering work."
SimCity screenshot

Guess what? If you keep buying crappy games from developers and publishers, they'll continue giving you more crappy games because you keep buying them. And don't fall for their "this next game's gonna be awesome" bullshit; they say that about every game they make because they want you to buy them. Ignore these developers and find some other games to play.


And that's all, folks! Until next time.

Mobile Mini Bites

Let's be real here: a majority of mobile games aren't going to be as long, in depth, or immersive as console or PC games. So, I'm just going to do very quick reviews of the ones I've played.


Clash Royale

A mash up of tower defense, card collecting, and strategy? I don't know, but it's kind of neat! Build a deck, then use it to summon soldiers during battles. Each card costs a certain amount of mana, and can be upgraded with coins and duplicates...

...and then you realize you're not going to get anything worthwhile unless you spend money or join a clan. Spend lots of money, or find a clan not run by elitist tools or complete idiots. The game balancing is also a complete joke. Unless you spend money. Looks like I'm done here.

Final Verdict: Another mobile "strategy" game where spending money is the only viable strategy.


Summoners War

Wow! A monster collecting and fighting game with some fun RPG elements and lots of customization! Hey, these monsters are all nifty, and the battle system's not bad, either! And the game's even generous with premium currency! Awesome!

Wait...I have to repeat the same stages over and over again, hoping for a drop I need? Completing a stage, any stage, drops one item and only a tiny quantity of it! I need hundreds of items, dammit! And what's this? PVP matchmaking is pitting me against max level players with super-rare, max level monsters? I'm not even level 20 or in the top ranks here!

Oh, look at that. Even high level players and big spenders are getting screwed on item drops and monster summons. I'm out.

Final Verdict: Grind for hours and get nothing. Pay money and get nothing.


Super Glyph Quest

The first game made for fun times, so how does this one stack up? $4 for more gameplay, an actual story, new items, and other goodies? Sold! And unlike other match 3 games I've played, this one doesn't crash every 5 to 10 minutes! Awesome!

Okay, sometimes money gets too tight and the search for crafting materials can be tiresome. And some battles can get annoying really fast if your matching grid doesn't cooperate with you.

But, hey! No in-app purchases! No ads! No lives or timers to bypass! I'll keep it!

Final Verdict: Decent match 3 game that doesn't nickel and dime you!


Tower Madness 2

Well, this looks neat! Defending sheep from aliens? I like it! Nice tower selection, and daaaaaaamn, that's a ton of stages! Oh? I'm not forced to watch ads? And if I do decide to, I get a really nice bonus added to my winnings? Sounds good to me!

Hey, look! Everything in the shop is unlocked through regular play. What's this "Unlock Now" button for? Ohhh, real money required. But, how much? And why isn't that made more clear?

Well, can't really complain. The game's solid and has been completely free to play.

Final Verdict: Tower defense fun times! I'm happy!


Zenonia 4

Hot damn! A great-looking, great-sounding RPG! Controls are a little wonky, but that's only because I'm used to having buttons and keys to press. Translation's a little weird, but I've seen worse. Ooo, crafting and item collecting! And stat customization! Hell yeah, let's do this!

Well, crap. Main backpack's full now. That's going to be a problem with all the stuff I need to collect. I'll need to expand my inventory. Oh hey, there's the button for...premium currency. That's not awarded by monster kills or quests. And it's incredibly pricey. I'm done.

Final Verdict: You need too much real money for decent inventory space.